I debated a little about making this post but decided that as this blog is about recording the entire process of the Diversity Project, I should share the not-so-good stuff as well. I’m hitting a few bumps in the road.
Mostly, these bumps are entirely personal and probably far greater in my head than they actually are. Mostly, they’re about me having a crisis of faith in the fact that I can see this project through to a positive completion, but when I found myself awake at 4am this morning, worried about Project stuff, I knew I had to get it out somewhere. Please, bear with me.
So, we have 97 squares right now. That’s phenomenal, I know that, everyone has worked so very hard, giving up time, energy, and money for this project and I am so very grateful. But, of course, I’m having a mild panic that we won’t get to the 144 squares we need in time to put this blanket together. And that’s only the first in a series of worries–I won’t bore you with details of everything I’m anxious about but let’s just say that following my present anxieties through to their logical (at least in my head) conclusion takes us to just west of Armageddon. You know how these things work, I’m sure.
There’s other stuff too. Yesterday I got an email from the Vis. Center telling me that they want to work with the Diversity Project but need to know what our budget is. Budget? What’s that? So far this project has run entirely on fresh air and goodwill, there is no budget. And because the ultimate aim is to raise funds for an LGBT scholarship, it seems rather counter-intuitive to spend money that should go into a scholarship fund. All that, though, is highly academic when I suspect that the budget they need will run into thousands of dollars. Ah well.
The real problem right now, though, is that I’m massively over-extended. My 20-hour semester is drawing to a demanding close and for the last couple of weeks multiple final papers have been jostling for brain space alongside looming final exams. That’s why blog updates have been so thin on the ground–I’ve just run out of time. I’m exhausted, have been under-the-weather physically, and fretful. I feel as if I’m not doing the project justice at all, and that brings its own guilt. So many people that I’ve spoken too have such wonderful ideas–live music events (we have more than one potential venue, and plenty of possible bands), advertising campaigns with those little scan/bar code thingies around campus and downtown, suggestions for display venues, but I don’t have time to follow-up on any of these suggestions. Ideally, I’d like to appoint a right-hand person, someone to pick up some of the slack that I’m dropping–even if that slack just involves updating the blog or the facebook page, or taking over organizing a live music event, but because this is my Gaines project I can’t do that. It has to be my work, I can’t farm it out to someone else.
So, I just need to trust in the fact that things will get better. I will get over these bumps in the road and a couple of days rest after my finals end next Friday will, I’m sure, make all the difference. In the meantime, kind words and thoughts will be gratefully accepted.